


Absent

by 1999plusshipping



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting Dean, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fallen Castiel, Fluff, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2436791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1999plusshipping/pseuds/1999plusshipping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After falling, Cas can barely hang on, so he resorts to his mind where things go sideways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absent

“Please Dean. He just showed up and he’s been like this for hours and I don't know what to do. He’s just sitting and staring at the wall. Dean, he won’t say anything. At all. Can you come over?” Sam’s words jumbled and his voice was hurried and concerned.

“Uh, yeah, of course. Give me three hours.”

“Okay.”

Dean hung up and tossed his phone into the seat next to him. Digging his foot into the gas pedal, he focused on the road ahead, determined to make the 5 hour drive as fast as he could.

*~*~*

“He’s in his bedroom.” Dean nodded shortly as he quickly brushed past his brother, stripping his rain-soaked jacket off. Sam looked worriedly after him, but did nothing to stop him. If someone could fix Cas, it was Dean.

He rushed to Castiel’s room and walked in, closing the door behind him. The state that his closest friend -  _more than that,_ his thoughts whispered, but he pushed them aside - was in shocked him. His hair was shaggy and unkempt; his eyes dulled by his humanity but still breathtakingly blue.

“Cas…?” he said tentatively. The angel didn’t move.  _Ex-angel,_  Dean reminded himself, but he’d still always be an angel to Dean.  _No, stop it,_ he scolded himself. “Cas. Talk to me.”

Still there was no sound. “ _Cas._  Come  _on_. Say something.” More silence. Dean walked over to the angel and knelt so he was at eye level. He desperately searched those vacant eyes for something to hold onto. “Damn it. Damn it! Come on.” He placed his hands on his shoulders and shook him; carefully, but still forcefully. “ _CAS!_ _”_

*~*~*

Dean had hardly slept; maybe an hour and a half at best. What few Zs he did catch had been in a very uncomfortable wooden chair stationed at the desk in the corner of Cas’s room. All he’d done all night was watch; watch and wait for a sign that Cas was still okay. He’d yelled at him, thrown things across the room, talked to him, offered him food, apologized; just about anything he could think of.

“God damn you Cas. Come on… come on,” he said quietly as he woke up from his restless sleep.

Dean paced back and forth in front of the fresh human who was still sitting silently on the edge of his bed. “Cas, come on. Please.” He stopped pacing and knelt down in front of the raven-haired man. “Say something. Let me know you're okay.” But still, there was only silence.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just scared and I…. Cas, please. Please be okay. I need you to tough this out, okay? I’m gonna be right here to help you with this. If you can hear me, I need you back. I need you. I’ll do this every night and every day until you get better. Just… please. Cas, come back.” Dean hated the way his voice cracked at the end. He hated the way he sounded so desperate. He hated the fact that every word he said was true. Most of all, he hated the way he wrapped his hands around Cas’s and squeezed them, leaning his forehead against Cas’s as he whispered, “Come back to me. I love you.”

Castiel finally focused his eyes on Dean’s. There was pain behind those perfect blue eyes; a pain that nobody could understand.

“Hey.... Hey Cas. You with me?” Dean tried so hard to pretend he hadn’t just poured his fucking soul out to a half conscious ex-angel, but that was like trying to climb a rock wall that had been smoothed out and covered in dish soap.

Blue eyes blinked a few times and then he nodded.

“Thank god,” Dean breathed as he pulled Cas in for a tight hug.

“I heard you, Dean,” Cas murmured; voice broken.

The hunter’s grip loosened and his heart fell. He knew he made a mistake. Maybe he just wasn’t thinking clearly and he was desperate to have his  _friend_  back. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should’ve kept quiet and let Sam handle this one. He leaned back and stared at the floor next to him.

“ _Oh_ ,” Dean practically whimpered.

“You don’t understand. I tried to make it go away…. I tried to block it out so I locked myself in my head. But that didn’t help. Angels came up to me and asked me why. They asked why I did this to them. They told me it was my fault they fell. But I could hear  _you_ , Dean. Every word you said to me was clear. Everything went away when you talked to me. I stopped thinking about them. But it hurt too much to move. I just wanted to hide away. Everything hurt and I couldn’t bear it. I’m so sorry Dean. I'm so  _useless_  now. Why would you want me anymore? Why would you love me?”

“Cas…” Dean looked up. He didn’t know what to do.

“Dean, they… they were right. It was my fault they fell. Why does this hurt so much?” Dean blinked. Tears began to roll down Cas’s cheeks. “I don’t understand…  _why?_ ” he whimpered.

Dean’s stomach tied itself in a knot at the sight of this; of  _his angel crying_. “It… it’s okay Cas. It’s gonna hurt. You’re just crying. It’s not bad. Just let it happen, okay? I… I’ve got you.” His words of comfort rolled off of his tongue awkwardly, but Cas didn’t seem to mind.

He leaned back into Dean’s arms and nodded against his shoulder. “Okay. I trust you,” he whimpered. Dean’s tension faded at his touch and he held him loosely in his arms. “It doesn’t hurt as much when you do this.”

Dean rubbed his hands over Castiel’s back in soothing circles. Comforting him came easier by the second. “You're gonna be okay Cas. As long as I’m here, you're gonna be okay.”

Sobs still wracked through his body.

“Cas… Cas… shhh. You know I’ll always want you. You know I’ll always need you. I’ll always be here, Cas. Always.”

“Dean, it  _hurts_ ,” he cried, fisting his hands into his shirt.

“Come here,” Dean said, standing up and sitting on the bed next to Cas, who immediately buried his face into his neck again.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed.

“For what?”

“ _Everything_ ,” he whimpered.

“Hey, stop that. Look at me.” He tilted Cas’s chin up. “Stop it. Just let go of everything else, and hold onto me. Can you do that for me?”

Cas nodded and sniffled, tears still streaming down his face. “ _Dean_ ,” he sobbed.

Dean stroked his hair and continued to rub his hand over his back, soothing him. He cooed his name into his ear and kissed his cheek. “You’re gonna be okay.”

Cas was starting to relax. He lifted his head off of Dean’s shoulder and kissed him softly on the lips. Dean’s hesitation was brief. It was perfect. When Cas pulled away, he looked up into Dean’s striking green eyes.

“I’m going to take care of you, Castiel. I promise.”

“I… I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize... I know there are a lot of mistakes and "... what" moments. It was slightly rushed and I couldn't phrase properly today. Thank you so much for reading! PLEASE give me feedback! Much appreciated :D


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